B,
You're staying with Grandma tonight and I'm missing you. It's so weird to not have you around. To not hear your laugh or put you to bed. I can't believe how much my life has changed in the last two years. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
They say that two year olds go through the terrible twos, but honestly you are an easy going kid. You are so funny and smart. I really can't believe how smart you are - you must get it from your dad - but your language skills are exceptional. You can carry on a whole conversation and repeat almost any word. And you are so curious - you must get that from me - but you always want to know how things work and why they work.
But the best hing about you - and my soft spot - is your laugh. I wish I could bottle your laugh. Especially when you start snorting. It's such a carefree thing and every time I hear it I smile. You laugh a lot and I am so grateful for that.
A friend of mine recently lost her son. He was 19 and in a car accident that left him brain dead. All I could think about is what if that was you? What if something were to happen to you? and honestly - I'm not sure I would be able to go on. I look at you and I see my future. I see my teenage son bringing home his girlfriend for prom, graduations, weddings, and grandkids. I can't imagine what she's going through - but I can tell you this - it makes me hug you just a little tighter.
Sometimes when I look at you I get so full of love that I think I may bust. There is nothing like it. It may come from hearing you say "mommy" or from a smile, or a kiss, or a hug or just a moment where you are so YOU and I almost can't breathe with the amount of love that overcomes me.
I know that every age will have it's challenge, but you bug are the best thing I could ever do, and please know that I love you (to the moon and back).
Love you always,
Mommy
Dear Brantley,
You're two now. I can't believe it. It just seems like yesterday that I was laying in the hospital bed waiting for you to be born. I'll probably same that same thing every year. Truth is that you're growing up too fast. Sometimes I wish that I could stop time for just a little bit and keep you still a kid. The kid who still wants mommy to play with him, cuddle and watch Mickey, ride trains and all the other things you love to do. But I can't stop time. I was at Subway the other day and there was a dad and his teenage son and it struck me that one day, sooner then I'd probably like, that would be you and me. And while I'm so excited to see you grow up, I'm also sad that it goes so quickly.
You've changed a lot this year. To say you are a talker would be a vast understatement. You talk ALL THE TIME. And in full sentences. It's quite scary how good you are with language (I mean how many two year old say quinoa - and pronounce it correctly - I can't even do that half the time). I suppose you get that from me, because we all know your dad is NOT a talker. You're also very social. You love people, especially other kids and are constantly trying to engage anyone you can. I would not be surprised if one day you are the class clown. You're such a special, goofy kid.
We took you to the zoo last month and you had so much fun. You loved the seals and the otters. You also though the "bamboons" were super cool. You did really well too, the only time you got fussy was when you were tired. It was a great family trip and something I hope we get the chance to repeat. I think your dad had a lot of fun taking you. This was right up his ally.
You also got really sick last week. Not just a cold sickies but the croup. It scared me. You sounded like you couldn't breathe. We almost made a trip to the ER, but thankfully your doctor was there on Saturday and saw you. You're better now, but I think that was one of the scariest mommy moments (next to locking you in the house by yourself. Ask me about THAT one day).
It's fun to watch your personality growing. You are very independent and want to do things on your own now. You're also a very picky eater. You hate meat, but love carbs. Thankfully you will eat some vegetables. You love broccoli, sweet potatoes, green beans, tomatoes, and sometimes squash.
I love you kiddo, and I hope you'll always know that,
Momma
You're two now. I can't believe it. It just seems like yesterday that I was laying in the hospital bed waiting for you to be born. I'll probably same that same thing every year. Truth is that you're growing up too fast. Sometimes I wish that I could stop time for just a little bit and keep you still a kid. The kid who still wants mommy to play with him, cuddle and watch Mickey, ride trains and all the other things you love to do. But I can't stop time. I was at Subway the other day and there was a dad and his teenage son and it struck me that one day, sooner then I'd probably like, that would be you and me. And while I'm so excited to see you grow up, I'm also sad that it goes so quickly.
You've changed a lot this year. To say you are a talker would be a vast understatement. You talk ALL THE TIME. And in full sentences. It's quite scary how good you are with language (I mean how many two year old say quinoa - and pronounce it correctly - I can't even do that half the time). I suppose you get that from me, because we all know your dad is NOT a talker. You're also very social. You love people, especially other kids and are constantly trying to engage anyone you can. I would not be surprised if one day you are the class clown. You're such a special, goofy kid.
We took you to the zoo last month and you had so much fun. You loved the seals and the otters. You also though the "bamboons" were super cool. You did really well too, the only time you got fussy was when you were tired. It was a great family trip and something I hope we get the chance to repeat. I think your dad had a lot of fun taking you. This was right up his ally.
You also got really sick last week. Not just a cold sickies but the croup. It scared me. You sounded like you couldn't breathe. We almost made a trip to the ER, but thankfully your doctor was there on Saturday and saw you. You're better now, but I think that was one of the scariest mommy moments (next to locking you in the house by yourself. Ask me about THAT one day).
It's fun to watch your personality growing. You are very independent and want to do things on your own now. You're also a very picky eater. You hate meat, but love carbs. Thankfully you will eat some vegetables. You love broccoli, sweet potatoes, green beans, tomatoes, and sometimes squash.
I love you kiddo, and I hope you'll always know that,
Momma
Loved
Dear Brantley,
This past week you had your first really sickies. You got a terrible cold, which turned into an ear infection. You were congested from head to toe and just felt awful. It was terrible. I have to tell you - I hate seeing you sick, or struggling. I hurt for you, and all I want is for you to feel better. It's an overwhelming need to comfort you and do all I can to help you feel better. And this was just with a cold! I can't imagine how hard your first heartbreak, failure, disappointment, and loss will be. I'll always worry about you, and I'll always want to do what I can to set your world straight again. I imagine it's the same if you're 2 or 20. So when you've 15 and having a hard time and I hover? Just know it's cause I love you, and I want you to be ok. Don't hate me for it, or if you do, I hope you one day realize why I did it.
You are one loved child. Not just by me and your dad but by so many other people. Please know your dad loves you so much. He may not say it often, because that's not him, but I can watch him with you and know. And I can see how he is with you and know. And when I tell him you miss him and ask about him, he smiles. Your dad is not the overly emotional or sensitive type, but I can tell you flat out he loves you something fierce. I hope that you can see that through his actions.
And your grandparents! All of them! They all play such an important roll. Your "Papa Rick" who teaches you about hard work, kung fu, eggs, pancakes, and farming, and who lets you get away with so much because that man LOVES you something fierce. "Bebe" or "Nanny" who worries about you all the time, who throws so much compassion and love into watching you it's amazing. She also loves to teach you songs. Her patience is that of a saint. Your "grandma" who spends so much of her time with you teaching you. I think she's the reason you know as much as you do about so much. And she's teaching you swimming. You have so much fun there on Wed and Thurs and I have to tell you that you make her week. She loves you so much and always looks forward to having you around. And "GP" who teaches you about bolts, nails, cooking "meat", and riding your "trike". You bring out a side in him I don't often see, and it's so nice to see the love. And "Papa Milton" who is a great example of a tenderhearted, playful, loving man and who shows you that whenever he sees you. He loves playing with you and being around you. And "Nana" who isn't afraid to be silly with you, and help you out whenever you need it. You are so lucky to have these examples in your life! They show you what love is and each one of them is so special. You are one lucky kid!
And me, I hope you know how much I adore you. I always will. Even when you hate me (and at some point in your life you will). You can be such a pill, and then do something silly (like sing "Marly Unshine" or "shake your booty") and all that whiny, crying behavior just disappears. You amaze me everyday and I am so PROUD to be your mom.
Always,
Momma
This past week you had your first really sickies. You got a terrible cold, which turned into an ear infection. You were congested from head to toe and just felt awful. It was terrible. I have to tell you - I hate seeing you sick, or struggling. I hurt for you, and all I want is for you to feel better. It's an overwhelming need to comfort you and do all I can to help you feel better. And this was just with a cold! I can't imagine how hard your first heartbreak, failure, disappointment, and loss will be. I'll always worry about you, and I'll always want to do what I can to set your world straight again. I imagine it's the same if you're 2 or 20. So when you've 15 and having a hard time and I hover? Just know it's cause I love you, and I want you to be ok. Don't hate me for it, or if you do, I hope you one day realize why I did it.
You are one loved child. Not just by me and your dad but by so many other people. Please know your dad loves you so much. He may not say it often, because that's not him, but I can watch him with you and know. And I can see how he is with you and know. And when I tell him you miss him and ask about him, he smiles. Your dad is not the overly emotional or sensitive type, but I can tell you flat out he loves you something fierce. I hope that you can see that through his actions.
And your grandparents! All of them! They all play such an important roll. Your "Papa Rick" who teaches you about hard work, kung fu, eggs, pancakes, and farming, and who lets you get away with so much because that man LOVES you something fierce. "Bebe" or "Nanny" who worries about you all the time, who throws so much compassion and love into watching you it's amazing. She also loves to teach you songs. Her patience is that of a saint. Your "grandma" who spends so much of her time with you teaching you. I think she's the reason you know as much as you do about so much. And she's teaching you swimming. You have so much fun there on Wed and Thurs and I have to tell you that you make her week. She loves you so much and always looks forward to having you around. And "GP" who teaches you about bolts, nails, cooking "meat", and riding your "trike". You bring out a side in him I don't often see, and it's so nice to see the love. And "Papa Milton" who is a great example of a tenderhearted, playful, loving man and who shows you that whenever he sees you. He loves playing with you and being around you. And "Nana" who isn't afraid to be silly with you, and help you out whenever you need it. You are so lucky to have these examples in your life! They show you what love is and each one of them is so special. You are one lucky kid!
And me, I hope you know how much I adore you. I always will. Even when you hate me (and at some point in your life you will). You can be such a pill, and then do something silly (like sing "Marly Unshine" or "shake your booty") and all that whiny, crying behavior just disappears. You amaze me everyday and I am so PROUD to be your mom.
Always,
Momma
Almost 2...
Dear Brantley,
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've written you a letter. I had so intended to keep this up so that one day I could give them to you and you could know how much I loved you and all the wonderful things you did when you were little. I need to do better at this. But I have to tell you - You've been keeping me busy! I can't beleive how much of a little person you are now - with you own opinions, wants and likes and dislikes.
You are a very curious kid and always want to know how and why something works. You love tools. Drills, hammers, nails, sanders, anything that puts something together. You also love anything that is a mode of transportation - but your two favorite are easily the tractor and trains. You love the tractor and "helping" Papa Rick in the garden. You're talking in sentenances now "Put that back in there", "Brantley help momma", "Give momma back the pillow" are just examples from today. In general your vocabulary is AMAZING! You can say almost anything you want. It never ceases to astonish me. You're learning to count, although it usually goes "1,2,3,4,10,14,30" or something of that nature. You can almost always get to four. You love your grandparents - all of them - and I often here "Go see Papa" or "Go back to grandmas". I'm glad you have so many people that love you!
The beach was a hit this year. You got in as far as we would let you in the ocean, dug holes, chased crabs, caught and released sand fleas, and wanted to "catch minnows (memos)" after daddy showed you the ones he was fishing with. You and your daddy are so much alike when it comes to a lot of thing. I can already tell you'll want to fish because you are fascinated with fish and all things fishing. You will find daddies fishing rods and say "catch a fish" or "fishing rod". It's so cute. Daddy is teaching you names of all the fish already. You can already say - Marlin, puppy drum, stripper, flounder and others.
You dad took you to the pond fishing - and you fell in! He called you a "big dummy" and for the longest time you would say "big dummy" anytime anyone asked you about falling in the pond. The best though was when you said it and pointed at daddy.
You are one loved child. I look at you everyday and my heart swells. You laugh and I forget every wrong you've ever done. You're not perfect - you fuss, holler, cry, and can be difficult - but oh man can you make me laugh. You can fill my heart with so much joy with just a simple "snuggle momma". We still have our cuddle time in the morning watching mickey. The day that stops will be so hard for me because it will mean you're growing up and don't need me as much anymore. I just want you to know that you are by far the best thing that I've done. I love you more then you can imagine and will NEVER stop. You are the only one that know my heart from the inside.
I love you so much baby boy,
Momma
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've written you a letter. I had so intended to keep this up so that one day I could give them to you and you could know how much I loved you and all the wonderful things you did when you were little. I need to do better at this. But I have to tell you - You've been keeping me busy! I can't beleive how much of a little person you are now - with you own opinions, wants and likes and dislikes.
You are a very curious kid and always want to know how and why something works. You love tools. Drills, hammers, nails, sanders, anything that puts something together. You also love anything that is a mode of transportation - but your two favorite are easily the tractor and trains. You love the tractor and "helping" Papa Rick in the garden. You're talking in sentenances now "Put that back in there", "Brantley help momma", "Give momma back the pillow" are just examples from today. In general your vocabulary is AMAZING! You can say almost anything you want. It never ceases to astonish me. You're learning to count, although it usually goes "1,2,3,4,10,14,30" or something of that nature. You can almost always get to four. You love your grandparents - all of them - and I often here "Go see Papa" or "Go back to grandmas". I'm glad you have so many people that love you!
The beach was a hit this year. You got in as far as we would let you in the ocean, dug holes, chased crabs, caught and released sand fleas, and wanted to "catch minnows (memos)" after daddy showed you the ones he was fishing with. You and your daddy are so much alike when it comes to a lot of thing. I can already tell you'll want to fish because you are fascinated with fish and all things fishing. You will find daddies fishing rods and say "catch a fish" or "fishing rod". It's so cute. Daddy is teaching you names of all the fish already. You can already say - Marlin, puppy drum, stripper, flounder and others.
You dad took you to the pond fishing - and you fell in! He called you a "big dummy" and for the longest time you would say "big dummy" anytime anyone asked you about falling in the pond. The best though was when you said it and pointed at daddy.
You are one loved child. I look at you everyday and my heart swells. You laugh and I forget every wrong you've ever done. You're not perfect - you fuss, holler, cry, and can be difficult - but oh man can you make me laugh. You can fill my heart with so much joy with just a simple "snuggle momma". We still have our cuddle time in the morning watching mickey. The day that stops will be so hard for me because it will mean you're growing up and don't need me as much anymore. I just want you to know that you are by far the best thing that I've done. I love you more then you can imagine and will NEVER stop. You are the only one that know my heart from the inside.
I love you so much baby boy,
Momma
One Year Old!
Dear Brantley,
Today is your birthday. A year ago today you were born. I cant believe a year has passed. I remember the first time I held you and the overwhelming love that I felt. And just this morning when you sat in my lap,and looked up at me with those big brown eyes and smiled, I felt it again.Overwhelming love.
You are the best thing I have accomplished in my life to date. To see you grow each day, watch you learn, laugh, play and smile brings so much joy to my life. The past year was not easy by any means. There were days it was a struggle just to get through, but then came the moments of pure joy. A snuggle in the morning, a smile, laughing during play time, hugs. And all those moments made the dirty diapers, fussing, crying, lack of sleep, etc. so worth it. I suspect one day, when you are a daddy, you’ll understand exactly how this feels.
You’re growing so much. You love to run and explore. You love to laugh and play. You don’t like to be held anymore, except first thing in the morning when we have our snuggle time in the recliner. You love blueberries and will eat a whole carton if someone lets you. You definitely smashed your smash cake. You’re learning lots of words, and trying so very hard to say them. So far you are trying to say duck, flower, dada, tiger, water, and bird. Of course they don’t actually sound like the words yet (example: bird sounds like baaar, but I know it’s what you are trying to say).
You are a good sleeper still. With me you take two naps aday and sleep 10 – 12 hours a night. But if you don’t get the naps you aren't really fussy – just on go because you know if you stop you’ll pass out. You LOVE people. You aren’t shy at all and will smile at everyone, everywhere. We've made lots of friends in restaurants and grocery stores.
You got a sandbox for your birthday which is perfect for you. You love to dig and play and explore in it. You also like the new wagon and going for rides. Overall you love being on the go all the time. You are not one to sit still. All my pictures of you lately I’ve had to take while you were on the run.
This past year has been amazing buddy. You’ve grown from a baby into an active, happy, sweet and smart little boy. I can’t wait to see what the years to come bring. I just hope you stay this happy and sweet. =)
I love you so much Buggy.
Mommy
10 months
Dear Brantley,
10 months have now passed since you were born. I can't beleive it's been almost a year! You've now been in the world longer then you were growing in my tummy. It's crazy how much you have changed. At 10 months you are such a social kid (notice I said kid and not baby). You love people. You especially love the ladies and are such a little flirt. Most everyone will get a smile from you, and if they are lucky a wave or a clap. There is no doubt in my mind you will be a social kid and I'm happy for that.
This month you've learned lots of things! You are now walking proficiently. You still fall on your butt a lot but you can (and do) get almost everywhere you want to go walking. You are trying to start to run. You start walking really really fast and keep going. Whenever you get excited about something this is what you do. Whenever your daddy gets home you go running to the door. Man do you love your daddy. When your daddy is around I am just not good enough anymore.
You've also learned how to clap, which you do all the time, and blow raspberries which you also do all the time (especially when I'm feeding you!). You think it's so funny! You are also getting more independent. If you can do something and I do it for you sometimes you will get mad. You don't like being fed anymore - you much prefer finger foods. However there is one food you will always let me feed you - YOGURT! I swear you could eat your weight in yogurt. Speaking of weight - you are now 19lbs. Still on the smaller side, but that's ok.
You only have the two teeth still, but I don't think it's long until more because you have been fussy lately. You're also starting to be a little bit more clingy - especially in the mornings. You want me to hold you for a right good while before you start playing and some days you want to be held longer. Thats ok though - you used to never want to be held, so I cherish those minutes you'll cuddle up next to me in your chair.
You are starting to talk more (just babble) and are starting to recognize words. I know that you know your name, no and up and I think you know duck (or duckduck) and stick. Still waiting for the first mamma or dada though.
Funny story - I was giving you a bath the other night and jokingly asked, "Who do you like better mama or dada?" You looked right and me and said "dada" and then of course followed it was "dadadadada". I think your dad is brainwashing you ::wink::.
We're back to going to the gym on the days mommy doesn't work and you love going because it means you get to play with grandpa and Bear. Grandpa always takes you for a ride and you get to pet Bear. You love all your grandparents so much. You've started crying when you have to leave their houses! They hand you to me and you cry. It hurt my feelings the first time - then I realized it's just because you have so much fun at their houses and love them so I can't get but so mad.
Brantley, you are one loved child. There are so many people in your life and show you that. We are so lucky to have you!
This months favorites: yogurt, talking!, daddy, grandma, GP, Nana, Papa, Grandpa and Granny, dogs!, outside, dirt, sticks, rocks, goldfish, cheerios, purple hull peas, cheese, turkey, cherries, GRAHAM CRACKER (from GP), walking, running, CLIMBING!, and anything else you can get yourself into.
Love always,
Momma
10 months have now passed since you were born. I can't beleive it's been almost a year! You've now been in the world longer then you were growing in my tummy. It's crazy how much you have changed. At 10 months you are such a social kid (notice I said kid and not baby). You love people. You especially love the ladies and are such a little flirt. Most everyone will get a smile from you, and if they are lucky a wave or a clap. There is no doubt in my mind you will be a social kid and I'm happy for that.
This month you've learned lots of things! You are now walking proficiently. You still fall on your butt a lot but you can (and do) get almost everywhere you want to go walking. You are trying to start to run. You start walking really really fast and keep going. Whenever you get excited about something this is what you do. Whenever your daddy gets home you go running to the door. Man do you love your daddy. When your daddy is around I am just not good enough anymore.
You've also learned how to clap, which you do all the time, and blow raspberries which you also do all the time (especially when I'm feeding you!). You think it's so funny! You are also getting more independent. If you can do something and I do it for you sometimes you will get mad. You don't like being fed anymore - you much prefer finger foods. However there is one food you will always let me feed you - YOGURT! I swear you could eat your weight in yogurt. Speaking of weight - you are now 19lbs. Still on the smaller side, but that's ok.
You only have the two teeth still, but I don't think it's long until more because you have been fussy lately. You're also starting to be a little bit more clingy - especially in the mornings. You want me to hold you for a right good while before you start playing and some days you want to be held longer. Thats ok though - you used to never want to be held, so I cherish those minutes you'll cuddle up next to me in your chair.
You are starting to talk more (just babble) and are starting to recognize words. I know that you know your name, no and up and I think you know duck (or duckduck) and stick. Still waiting for the first mamma or dada though.
Funny story - I was giving you a bath the other night and jokingly asked, "Who do you like better mama or dada?" You looked right and me and said "dada" and then of course followed it was "dadadadada". I think your dad is brainwashing you ::wink::.
We're back to going to the gym on the days mommy doesn't work and you love going because it means you get to play with grandpa and Bear. Grandpa always takes you for a ride and you get to pet Bear. You love all your grandparents so much. You've started crying when you have to leave their houses! They hand you to me and you cry. It hurt my feelings the first time - then I realized it's just because you have so much fun at their houses and love them so I can't get but so mad.
Brantley, you are one loved child. There are so many people in your life and show you that. We are so lucky to have you!
This months favorites: yogurt, talking!, daddy, grandma, GP, Nana, Papa, Grandpa and Granny, dogs!, outside, dirt, sticks, rocks, goldfish, cheerios, purple hull peas, cheese, turkey, cherries, GRAHAM CRACKER (from GP), walking, running, CLIMBING!, and anything else you can get yourself into.
Love always,
Momma
My Wish
Brantley,
I was looking at you today and this overwhelming since of protection came over me. I want to protect you from all the hurts in the world. From heartbreak, sadness, disappointment, and injustice. But the truth is - I can't. You'll feel these things somewhere along the way, and I know when they happen to you, I'll hurt too. I'll get mad, but mostly I'll be sad I couldn't protect you from it. Because I believe at our core that's all mothers want - to protect their kids, and for them to know they are loved. And oh man do we love. It's a love that reaches to the bottom of your heart. It's different then any other kind of love. We love our parents, and I certainly love your dad, but the love I have for you, well it's just different. Unconditional. I will always love you. You may disappoint me at some point, and I may get mad at you, but I will always love you. You are a part of me. And a huge part of my heart. So when you don't make the team, or the girl breaks your heart, or you experience loss for the first time, I'll be there. I'll let you cry to me, or be alone, or do whatever it is you need me to do to help you through it. I promise you I will always be there for you. Always. No matter what happens, you always have that.
I was looking at you today and this overwhelming since of protection came over me. I want to protect you from all the hurts in the world. From heartbreak, sadness, disappointment, and injustice. But the truth is - I can't. You'll feel these things somewhere along the way, and I know when they happen to you, I'll hurt too. I'll get mad, but mostly I'll be sad I couldn't protect you from it. Because I believe at our core that's all mothers want - to protect their kids, and for them to know they are loved. And oh man do we love. It's a love that reaches to the bottom of your heart. It's different then any other kind of love. We love our parents, and I certainly love your dad, but the love I have for you, well it's just different. Unconditional. I will always love you. You may disappoint me at some point, and I may get mad at you, but I will always love you. You are a part of me. And a huge part of my heart. So when you don't make the team, or the girl breaks your heart, or you experience loss for the first time, I'll be there. I'll let you cry to me, or be alone, or do whatever it is you need me to do to help you through it. I promise you I will always be there for you. Always. No matter what happens, you always have that.